Sohi and I live on different planets. If I were to try and explain our relationship, it would be that we think in completely opposite ways, yet we usually end up in the same place. Which is probably (now that I think about it) opposite to how me and Bel work, which is that we think in a similar fashion, but end up in different places.
In the case of Sohi and me, we are bonded by extreme bouts of abstracted and arbitrary snobbishness, excessive arrogance, a palpable disgust of vulgarity, and an absurd love of cuteness (what constitutes ‘cute’ is a confusing and ever changing set of characteristics based on random variables in Jen-Sohi land). However, since we tend to think quite differently about things, we have a habit of arguing over everything. Which is actually quite nice. We argue without heat or animosity, and with absolute respect since we both believe in the equality of our awesomeness in all things.
I didn’t think I ever really needed to think about why we work so well together, but on Sunday I think I inadvertently discovered what strange magic has kept us together since highschool, and why if anything it has become so much stronger. The answer is: grocery shopping.
Last week Sohi and I made plans to go to Naturally on High, which is our version of an exciting date. We were so excited we actually sent each other text messages letting the other know how happy we were about this trip. On Sunday, not only did we go nuts at said shop, but when we made plans to meet up later in the evening… we actually ended up going to both Coles AND Safeway. As in, when Sohi called and asked “so what should we do?”, one of the suggestions that came up was “we could go to the supermarket”, and the reply was an extremely enthusiastic “Yes!” When we used to live a block away from each other, it wasn’t unheard of for us to the start at the Japanese grocery, move on to Prahran market, then perhaps Aldi, another general Asian grocery, Coles and then finally Safeway. That is not an exaggeration, we have done that. More than once, and it made us really happy.
So Sunday night as we were leaving Safeway I mused “why do you think we love grocery shopping so much?”, and Sohi gave the simplest, most revealing answer: “It’s comforting, and safe. We’re gathering our nuts and seeds.” The last bit is actually quite literal in our case, since this is the basis of our obsession with Naturally on High. This is exactly why we love grocery shopping so much, in the presence of each other in particular. The act of buying domestic things is at heart for us, a nurturing act, for others as much as ourselves. We’re not soft or maternal at all, but our identities are very much founded on being nurturers for the very few people we deem worthy of our love and affection. This potential act of nurturing is absolutely a comforting and safe way of letting these parts of ourselves out.
