Cast of Players

A note: when I originally wrote this page I had little to no intention of actually using these names. I am not one for subterfuge it seems. As much as I try, I have tendency of slipping people’s names into my posts. These people exist. These names do not. Anonymous my blog is definitely not. Read on.

‘Vic‘- once referred to as ‘Friday Night Friend’, is well known for wearing a plastic hook, although Vic has two perfectly good working hands at his/her disposal. Vic’s accomplishments include not annoying Jen for over 10 years, putting up with Jen’s shit for over 10 years, and being a hot bassist for Aphra’s Cat. Vic has an awesome way of saying ‘Jennifer!’, when Vic is expressing skepticism with one of Jen’s plans, gently berating her or trying to give Jen a reality check. Vic has no idea how much Jen enjoys Vic’s use of her uncontracted name. Jen also likes Vic’s propensity to call Jen ‘Ken’, ala predictive text, although Jen will not abide such a thing in others. Vic often does a cute cat purr when hugging Jen goodbye, and if they are ever separated Jen will miss it muchly. Vic, despite some objections is contractually obligated to remain Jen’s BFF. That’s right, 4 eva.

‘Art‘ is Jen’s long time friend, who is both the most whimsical and most practical person she knows. Art’s awesomeness knows no bounds, being in every way not only ‘an original’, but a truly ethical, decent person also. Art’s accomplishments include being unintentionally beautiful very often, serving Jen endless amounts of tea and making Chanel tights look hotter and more avant garde than one could imagine. Jen loves the seemingly random way they always meet up, although one of these days Jen would enjoy actually following through on an outing they plan. If either Jen of Art were sans mobiles, they would never, ever, see each other.

‘Les‘- Les started out being Jen’s uni bud, but has progressed forward due to lovely idiosyncrasies like using internet speak in everyday language, referring to fantastic things by adding enthusiastic adjectives to the word ‘bean’, and for giving Jen giggles with hilarious trashy novel trope excerpts for her birthday. Les’ accomplishments include informing Jen about interesting webcomics for which Jen it seems has no stamina, giving lovely hugs and listening to Jen talk endlessly about boring shit. Les has much patience.

‘Mal‘- is Jen’s most awesome housemate. Mal’s accomplishments include being a tard when asked highly political questions, entertaining Jen with stories of said political retardiness, having everyone fall in love with her, and making the most delicious lasagne (the spinach kind of course) in the world. Mal’s curly hair drives Jen nuts in the bathroom, but Jen forgives her cos the hair is pretty. Mal is not a precise baker- and really that sums up Mal pretty well. Mal is also Jen’s comedy festival bud, because Mal is committed and organised when it comes to funny men.

‘Alf’ is a particular favourite of Jen’s, although sometimes Alf seems not to exist, so little do Alf and Jen get the opportunity to meet. However, Alf does make a mean coffee, and luckily for Jen, occassionally Alf serves Jen a coffee (and pretends Jen has paid when she hasn’t) when she desperately needs it. When Alf isn’t looking, Jen checks out Alf’s mean bone structure.

‘Sam‘- Gets an honourable mention, not only cos Sam is fantastic, but also because Sam gives Jen an outlet to talk about PRC. Yes!

Brother- is um, Jen’s brother. His accomplishments include (surprisingly) being lovely and hilarious company, proving Jen can not play comp/video games if her life depended on it, being the best television/film watching companion ever, and being sickeningly fit and healthy despite regular pizza pigouts.

Sister S- is sister in Seoul. She is married with two gorgeous girls, both under the age of 2. Her accomplishments include driving Jen crazy, telling Jen she owns too many shoes/necklaces/dresses/handbags (all of which is untrue, especially shoes), being the only person nice enough to voluntarily offer Jen massages and still makes Jen kill spiders even though she is thirteen years older than Jen. Sister S makes up for the spider killing by regularly complimenting Jen on her clothing choices.

Sister N- is sister in New York. She is married with two girls also. Her accomplishments include spending far too much time indulging Jen’s obsession with fashion, stealing copies of Italian Vogue from her office for Jen (ok, once) and successfully dragging Jen out of bed to go for runs on consecutive mornings (impressive). Sister N has a bad habit of referring to Jen as her ‘baby sister’, and keeps telling co-workers Jen is 21, when Jen is definitely no longer 21. Sister N also thinks about food virtually every second of the day and is perpetually hungry, even after having just eaten.